May Your Troubled Soul Rest in Peace, Robin Williams

Robin Williams touched our lives. Through generations of entertainment, he earned our admiration and our respect. He earned our devotion and our affection. He brought us laughter, and he induced our tears. He brought wisdom, and he brought hope.

On August 11, 2014, he brought us despair, and he left us with questions, so very many questions. They are questions without answers.

Family, friends, and worldwide admirers never will know the last thoughts, the last feelings, that drove him to commit his final fatal act. This is the agonizing truth of any suicide. We are left wounded and distraught. We so fiercely want answers.

Instead of answers, we have a legacy. We have a timeless treasure trove of comedy and drama performed over decades by one of the greatest talents in the entertainment industry. As soon as news broke that Williams had hanged himself, social media and newscasts exploded not only with reactions to his death, but also with clips of sentimental favorite performances. No doubt, those clips will be in the forefront in days and weeks to come. They give us a way to keep him close, to hold his memory dear. They keep his spirit alive as we deal with our shock and grief.

Actor Brought Social Issues to Forefront

In some of his more notable roles, Robin Williams brought attention to serious societal issues – homelessness in “The Fisher King,” war and censorship in “Good Morning, Vietnam,” gender identity in “The Birdcage,” domestic violence in “Good Will Hunting.” In real life, Williams, without fanfare and without a desire for publicity, supported his own personal passions – the San Diego-based Challenged Athletes Foundation and the National Coalition for the Homeless. In many photos of his acting roles and of his charitable work, his eyes make no secret of his vulnerability and compassion. It may be this very sensitivity — the extreme sensitivity of those dealing with depression and addiction — that turned into one of his demons.

Suicide Opens Door To Discussions Of Depression and Substance Abuse

If good can come from this tragedy, it is open discussions that have arisen about the diseases of depression, bipolar disorder and addiction. Despite medical advances and social awareness, these diseases still bear a stigma. Sufferers and their loved ones often go to any lengths to hide their guilt and shame. People in the substance abuse recovery community understand those feelings. We understand the torment of a mind that tells lies of unworthiness; we understand the depths of despair. While we will never know the innermost self of Robin Williams, we get him. We get him, and we can share our experience, strength and hope with others as a way to honor our brother whose diseases drove him to his tragic end.

 

How to Start Developing Emotional Intelligence

If surrender and stopping drinking are the turning point, then developing emotional intelligence is the key to putting real distance between yourself and the last drink (and the next one). In 12-step work, the process is described in terms of spiritual growth, but even Bill Wilson, AA’s cofounder, admitted that he was lacking in emotional sobriety, regardless of the step-work he had done.

Researchers Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer stated a working definition of emotional intelligence in 1990 that is as follows:

“. . . the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor ones own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”

Salovey and Mayer identified four components of emotional intelligence:

  • Perceiving emotions—Initially, it is important to notice and identify emotions. Sometimes this includes awareness of non-verbal cues like body language and facial expressions.
  • Reasoning with emotions—Emotions play an important role in how we prioritize what we pay attention to.
  • Understanding emotions—Emotions are triggered by perception, and understanding the perception gives insight into the emotion. If your spouse is angry, it may be that you did something disagreeable to him or her, or it may be that some other circumstance is upsetting.
  • Managing emotions—Developing emotional intelligencemeans nurturing an ability to regulate one’s own emotions and respond appropriately. It also means responding appropriately to other people’s feelings.

Alcoholics and drug addicts, having spent years suppressing emotions by self medicating, often find themselves emotionally raw in early sobriety, and ill equipped to deal with their own random and wild emotional fluctuations, let alone the feelings of others.

Developing emotional intelligence means becoming aware of and deliberately outgrowing impulse control problems, boundary problems, the suppression of feelings, a tendency to be manipulative, and a host of other symptoms that interfere with emotional well-being and the ability to develop healthy relationships.

 

Kind, Caring, and Understanding

“Everyone has been so kind, caring, and understanding. Helpful in every way. I can’t say enough good things about the staff at AIA. Thank you so much to everyone!”

Is Abstinence Enough, or Is Emotional Sobriety Necessary in Recovery?

A common adage in recovery circles is that alcoholics and addicts stop maturing when they start using alcohol or drugs. As a result of the truth of this observation, many newcomers find themselves teenagers trapped in adult bodies. A forty-year-old who started drinking at the age of fifteen will often discover herself, in the absence of alcohol, mired in a haze of adolescent feelings and confusion. Many alcoholics—and drug addicts—simply stayed high as a coping tool for the challenges of their teens. The frustrations and anxieties of dating and social intercourse, interacting with authority, and responding to life in general are often smoothed out by substance abuse, and the needed and appropriate growth in these and other areas is stunted.

In 1958, Bill Wilson, one of the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, wrote a letter to the A.A. Grapevine called The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety, in which he acknowledged this problem and urged AA members to confront a kind of immaturity that Wilson admitted to in himself.

He writes that the “adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance—urges quite appropriate to age seventeen—prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty-seven or fifty-seven” and states that the quest for fulfillment in these and other areas—and the inevitable frustration that follows any demand for perfection—is a recipe for pain, unhappiness, and depression.

He then equates emotional sobriety with humility and spiritual development.

In the world of psychology, emotional sobriety is defined by the following qualities:

  • An ability to regulate strong emotions and mood—this begins with the ability to self-monitor and recognize negative emotion or mood (10th-step in recovery mode), and then to shift perspective on the circumstances at hand so that one doesn’t go into reactive mode and exacerbate them
  • An ability to simply allow feelings, and to identify and fully experience them, as opposed to avoidance through self-medication or other destructive behaviors
  • Impulse control and deferred gratification—two areas many in recovery find difficult
  • Acceptance—the relinquishing of control over people and situations, and a commitment to responding with one’s best efforts toward positive change, leaving the results to unfold as they may
  • Honesty (with oneself and others)—the ability to value the truth above a cherished self-image.

These are a few of the components of emotional sobriety. And even though there are some days when it has to be enough to simply have made it through the day without a drink, real recovery requires a willingness to mature. Otherwise, the pain and frustration of an extended “dry drunk”—untreated alcoholism—may eventually lead back to a drink.

 

Zac Efron opens up about his struggle with addiction

Many child star celebrities find themselves the center of media hype and negative publicity through their every misstep. Adolescence and young adulthood characterize a time of experimenting with independent decisions, and learning the difference between things we regret and what we’re proud of. Zac Efron’s addiction struggle has proven to be an important milestone for him in establishing a difference between harmful choices he’s made in the past and the direction he would like to see for his future.

“I’m a human being, and I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve learned from each one… I wouldn’t take anything back; I needed to learn everything I did.”

https://www.cnn.com/2014/05/01/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/zac-efron-addiction-struggle/

The 26 year old actor, who is best known for the “High School Musical” films, had admittedly wrapped himself too deeply into work, and used drugs and alcohol to manage stress and pressure. Suffering mounting consequences as a result, he found insight about the direction he was heading and how to change. He had to have his jaw wired shut as a result of injury from falling by an indoor fountain in his Los Feliz home; and several weeks later was questioned by police about his involvement in a fight with a homeless man after his car stalled in downtown Los Angeles in the early hours of the morning.

A self-described insomniac, he acknowledges he struggled with anxiety, becoming so wrapped up in work; he lost focus of how he was compromising his personal health and well-being. He had been living out of a suitcase traveling from hotel to hotel for a time, isolating from friends and family and increasing his drug and alcohol use to a destructive level.

After deciding to go to rehab, seeking outside therapy and additional help with support groups and a physical wellness plan, the actor decided to open up to the public about what he went through and the solution he’s found. Zac Efron’s addiction struggle may seem like one more child stars entrance into the highly publicized and fast paced world of Hollywood, but his down to earth solutions speak to his integrity. Realizing the impression he makes as a role model, the actor explains he wants to do the best he can to promote for young people how positive and healthy standards are just as “cool” as the many other messages they’re seeing advertised today.

The Health Benefits of Prayer and Meditation

Prayer and meditation are used in complementary medicine to improve health. Both practices come from religious and spiritual traditions. The NIH and WebMD state that people who practice prayer and meditation experience greater physical and mental health benefits. Prayer can be used for a variety of purposes such as finding inner strength or requesting help from some form of a higher being. Meditation has been shown to increase calmness, improve psychological relaxation, cope with illness, and enhance health and well-being. It must be noted that although there are benefits to prayer and meditation, they are not substitutes for conventional treatment.

The Benefits and Uses of Prayer and Meditation

Studies show benefits for both prayer and meditation when used during regular treatment. Prayer appears to have positive health effects, although most studies have been inconclusive. Similarly, researchers are unsure of the changes in the body caused by meditation, or which diseases it might be best for, but the effects appear to be positive. Some health benefits of prayer and meditation are:

  • Lower blood pressure
  • Sense of Inner Peace
  • Increased longevity
  • Reduced symptoms of depression
  • Alleviation of anxiety, stress, and pain
  • Help with insomnia and physical symptoms associated with chronic illnesses such as heart disease, HIV/AIDS, and cancer

Prayer and meditation are often seen as something specific for people who are religious. However, even non-religious people have said that prayer can bring on a strong sense of inner strength or power.

It must be emphasized that prayer can be useful when used alongside treatment, but a physician should always be when it is used. Meditation helps individuals focus their attention and become aware of their thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental way. This usually results in a state of calmness, physical relaxation, and psychological balance. Although beneficial, prayer and meditation should not be used in place of medicine to treat illnesses; but used in conjunction with a with therapy and support groups as a complete approach to recovery.

Equine Facilitated Therapy Can Be an Effective Tool in Addiction Treatment

Equine facilitated therapy involves the use of horses to establish trust, emotional openness, and a new approach to intimacy and bonding for addicts and alcoholics in recovery. As these very issues touch the core of the addict/alcoholic’s psychic pain, exploring them through the use of these large and powerful mammals is an effective way to promote healing.

Besides being massive, horses are highly intuitive and sensitive animals. The average person who isn’t familiar with them might approach one with trepidation but will often find that the animal is friendly and available. The experience of intimacy with the animal can be profound.

The addict who has been brought to the point of surrender to treatment has usually suffered damaged relationships and isolation. Mistrust and emotional defensiveness are the tools developed to protect against feelings of abandonment and betrayal. Anger, fear, and contradictory feelings of superiority and inferiority affect most of the addict’s sense of self and his or her experience of the world and, consequently, their decisions and actions.

Equine facilitated therapy is not about riding horses, although that may be an activity that brings added enjoyment and benefit. Instead, it’s about interacting with the animals, one on one, so that the patient can learn more about herself. Horses mirror people’s emotions and provide feedback. Through this modality, an addict’s feelings of fear, anger, sadness, and isolation can be brought to the surface and dealt with. At the same time, positive feelings—of joy, peace, and self-confidence—can emerge and be recognized for cultivation.

The newly recovering addict who opens emotionally through the act of bonding with a horse is then able to transfer that openness to other people—initially in one-on-one sessions with a counselor/therapist, and then with other patients in a group. When this is accomplished, approaching formerly estranged family members, friends, and employers (as well as new acquaintances) can be done on a new footing—one that leads to healthier and more stable relationships. The recovering addict/alcoholic with tools for interacting with other people stands a much greater chance of experiencing long-term sobriety.

Early Recovery Includes Mood Swings and Extreme Feelings

Ask anyone who has abused alcohol or drugs why they drink or use drugs, and they can give you an unending list: troubled marriage, problem children, work-related stress, financial troubles, loss of job. The basic underlying truth of all these excuses is that they don’t want to feel their feelings. They feel lonely, so they drown it with alcohol. They feel insecure, so they gather some security by popping some pills. They feel sad, so they drink for a pick-me-up. Alcohol and drug abusers do not like to feel their feelings; therefore, it is inevitable that those feelings will surface once recovery begins and substance abuse is no longer part of the equation.

Normal process

A currently popular Internet meme defines normal as “just a setting on the dryer,” and even though the word may cover a broad range, it is normal in recovery to experience intense feelings that bounce from high to low in a seeming matter of seconds. Feelings and emotions are new to recovering addicts, and they don’t know how to cope. A sudden burst of rage that seems to come out of nowhere or an agonizing fear that has little basis in reality can feel overwhelming without the customary soothing agent of alcohol or drugs. In recovery, drug addicts and alcoholics need to learn coping skills to deal with feelings they had anesthetized.

Managing emotions

Even though feelings can seem overwhelming, recovering addicts and alcoholics do have tools at their disposal to help them cope.

·         Finding support

Successful recovery is not a do-it-yourself project. People with long-lasting sobriety have learned that they need to work with others who are learning to live without drugs or alcohol. Finding a support network is important.

·         Watch for red flags

Crowds of former friends, favorite bars and restaurants, and family celebrations are examples of slippery slopes. Avoiding situations that used to be part of drinking and using drugs is an important part of the process.

·         Taking responsibility

Even though blaming others for the strong feelings that one experiences in early recovery may seem logical, it is not going to help in the recovery process. Owning one’s feelings and working through them is the key to sober living.

·         Medical problems

Sometimes the intensity of feelings goes away on its own. Other times, medical conditions might arise. Unusual or extreme symptoms need the attention of a physician.

Learning to actually feel your feelings is a new skill for people who have depended on chemicals to alter their perception. It not only is a skill that can be developed; it is an imperative one for full recovery.

Damaging Vital Organs – How Drinking Risks Your Health

While alcohol abuse can lead to unintentional injury, social isolation, depression, violence and jail time, long-term effects of alcoholism will also damage the liver, stomach, nervous system, heart, and brain.

Substance abuse patterns vary, and binge drinkers can do as much damage as those who drink every day. The determination for how much damage alcohol does can sometimes be attributed to hereditary predispositions but for the most part, the long-term effects are the same for everyone.

When the liver and stomach are damaged by alcohol, they can’t adequately break down the nutrients in food, also causing internal scarring and bleeding. The liver cleans toxins from the blood and becomes unable to do this with repeated alcohol use, the scarring, or cirrhosis can cause liver failure. The damage to these organs can disrupt vital organs and cause disease of the pancreas and stomach cancer.

The toxic nature of alcohol causes damage to the liver’s cleansing functions and can lead to heart irregularities, weakening of the heart muscle causing a condition called alcoholic cardiomyopathy. This disturbs the body’s natural regulation of blood fats and blood sugar levels, thinning the bones and reducing the production of blood cells. The blood flow shortage causes damage to other tissues and organs that rely on healthy blood to function properly.

Long-term alcohol abuse will affect the brain causing seizures, confusion, memory loss, mood and behavioral changes such as depression and agitation. Alcohol disrupts the neurotransmitter balance causing alterations in neurons reducing the size of brain cells. As a result of these changes overall brain mass shrinks affecting a wide range of abilities such as motor coordination, temperature regulation, and various cognitive functions, including learning and memory.

Alcohol’s role in poor health is often under recognized; unlike cigarette smoking that can directly cause lung cancer, alcohol increases the development of certain diseases by processes over time rather than being considered the only cause. Long-term effects of alcoholism are possible even if you rarely drink to the point of intoxication. It is a toxic substance so having it frequently circulating in your body will harm your health, and it can make some conditions worse. It is important to be aware of the potential dangers and health risks, and to be honest with physicians about alcohol intake.

The Importance of Cultivating New Friendships in Recovery

Alcoholics and addicts usually enter sobriety with their lives in shambles. Recovery is like a new world, and the less it overlaps with the old world, the better. This often pertains to friendships as well.

Cindy, who valued her new sobriety, decided to go out with her old friends for dinner and catch-up conversation. Her companions drank cheerfully while she sipped ginger ale.

Occasionally, someone would offer her a drink and she would decline. Finally, her best drinking pal said, “Hey, come on, this is a reunion! You’re in your own world over there. Just have a glass of wine, you’ll be fine.”

One glass of wine led to four more, which led to a stop at the liquor store on the way home, and to a disastrous relapse.

Rob, four months out of treatment, got a call from an old friend, who then came over to visit, sat down in the living room, and placed a bag of weed and a vial of cocaine on the coffee table. The sudden appearance of the drugs, their immediate availability, and the friend’s nonchalance about it all overwhelmed Rob’s new sobriety and he was off on a four-day binge.

They common element here is that the friends in both stories were either clueless—or didn’t care—about the dynamics of alcoholism and drug addiction, and the fragility of new sobriety.

It’s the first drink or drug that has to be avoided. Proximity to these, and encouragement to use them, makes abstinence harder.

Recovery is a communal experience. Sober people support each other’s sobriety.

Although groups contain a variety of people who would not normally mix, the common element of having hit bottom and emerging to a new and more satisfying life connects them.

Relationships based on a deep caring for each other’s welfare can become precious, life-long friendships.