Getting Sober and Repairing the Family

“We alcoholics are sensitive people. At the beginning of recovery a man will take, as a rule, one of two directions. He may either plunge into a frantic attempt to get on his feet in business, or he may be so enthralled by his new life that he talks or thinks of little else….since the home has suffered more than anything else, it is well that a man exert himself there. He is not likely to get far in any direction if he fails to show unselfishness and love under his own roof. We know there are difficult wives and families, but the man who is getting over alcoholism must remember he did much to make them so.” – Pg.125-127 in The Family Afterward from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

When we first receive alcohol addiction help and get sober we are usually so filled with relief and joy. Many of us are on what is referred to as a “pink cloud”. This is where everything just seems so great and amazing. It’s as if we had been dead inside for so long and were just reborn. Often times when we are in this state many of us want to experience everything, just enjoy it, and have fun which is okay as long as we are doing the work as well as repairing our relationships with others especially family. When the big book talks about how our home has suffered more than anything else it is referring to the damage we caused in our families lives .For most of us our loved ones were the ones that were there and witnessed us at our worst. While it may take a while the chances of familial reparation is high and likely for most of us. It is one of the gifts of sobriety .perhaps not at first but in time they will be able to see the dedication to sobriety and will most likely be thrilled, and supportive. With that being said If  we fail to mend our relationship with them and put time and effort into those relationships they will most likely continue to be resentful since not only were they losing their loved ones to this disease but they will probably go on to feel like they also lost them to recovery as well.Therefore its imperative that we do what we need to do to get sober, Go to a drug addiction detox, AA, or 30 day rehab program, and then do the best we can to be a better daughter,son,mother,father,and sibling .We owe it to them and to ourselves.

Powerlessness and Alcohol Addiction Help

“If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all of our might, but the needed power wasn’t there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. Lack of power that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a power greater than ourselves. obviously. But where and how were we to find this power? Well, that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.” – Pg.44 We Agnostics from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

We have tried many times to get sober on will power alone only to fail over and over again. It is not until we are beaten down and surrender that we can then be truly open to receiving alcohol addiction help. If we want to recover we learn that we must rely upon a power greater than ourselves in order to be freed from our seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. We found that if we wanted it bad enough the tools along with our own concept of a higher power could be found through the help of 30 day rehab programs, AA, drug addiction detox, as well as other programs. It is through the continuous use of these tools as well as a conscious contact with our higher power that we can go on to live an amazingly happy, joyous, and free life.

Happiness and Continuously Working the Steps

“The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society from life itself. As we became subjects of king alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding, companionship, and approval momentarily we did then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous four horsemen terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand! Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, ”I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time.” As ex-problem drinkers we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old games again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety.” – Pg.152 from a vision for you from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

It is imperative that we continuously work the steps. For us alcoholics becoming complacent with step work will mean that we will end up like the boy whistling in the dark. No matter how hard we try when we are dry and not working a program we are unable to keep up our spirits. We become restless irritable and discontent and there is little hope unless we turn it over and do the work. It’s one thing to seek out alcohol addiction help. It’s another to go the extra mile and actually apply the principles to our lives. Weather we go to a 30 day rehab, AA, or drug addiction detox we must continue working on ourselves or we will surely drink. These places are not a cure all, or a quick fix. Sobriety is something that a) we must participate in and b) we must continuously work on in order to continue growing. If we keep at this we can go on to live a happy and healthy life.

The Alcoholic and Feelings of Inferiority

“Just 10 years ago my own mother, after years of bewilderment, lost hope. Long a chronic problem drinker, I had come to the jumping-off place. A very good doctor had pronounced the grim sentence; “obsessive drinker, deteriorating rapidly – hopeless. “The doctor used to talk about my case somewhat like this: “yes, Bill has underlying personality defects…great emotional sensitivity, childishness, and inferiority.”  This very real feeling of inferiority is magnified by his childish sensitivity and it is this state of affairs which generate in him that insatiable, abnormal craving for self – approval and success in the eyes of the world. Still a child he cries for the moon….discovering alcohol, he found much more in it than normal folks. To him alcohol is no mere relaxation; it means release-release from inner conflict….As one who knows me a little, you may have heard how, ten years ago, a friend, himself a liberated alcoholic, came to me bearing the light which finally let me out of the toils. There will come a day like that for you and yours.” – Pg.101-102 from The Language of the Heart

 

If you have battled alcoholism then you can probably relate to the above writing. Most of us do indeed experience the childishness, sensitivity, inferiority, and we definitely can identify with finding much more in alcohol than others do. It is a release for us. With that being said prior to receiving alcohol addiction help booze was also our prison. We could not stop ourselves. As you can tell Bill W. struggled with this disease, and felt just as hopeless as we do before getting sober. Just like bill we can recover too. With the help of a drug addiction detox, AA, and/or a 30 day rehab program we all have the opportunity to be released from our toils. We can overcome this disease and go on to live the kind of happy, joyous, and free life we were meant to.

The Importance of Safe Detox

“Despite the general effectiveness of the AA program, we often need the help of friendly agencies outside of AA. Nowhere is this more strikingly true than in the field of hospitalization. Most of us feel that ready access to hospitals and other places of rest and recuperation borders on absolute necessity. While many an alcoholic has somehow gotten over his bender without medical aid, and while a few of us old the view that the hard “cold turkey “ method is the best, the vast majority of AAs believe the newcomer whose case is at all serious has a much better chance of making the grade if well hospitalized at the outset. Indeed, we see many cases where recoveries without medical help would seem virtually impossible, mentally so beclouded have they become, even when temporarily sober. The primary purpose of hospitalization is not to save our prospect the pain of getting sober; its real purpose is to place him in the state of greatest possible receptivity to our AA program. Medical treatment clears his brain, takes away his jitters, and if it is done at a hospital he is kept there under control so that everybody knows just where and when he can be visited. Moreover the atmosphere of most hospitals is extremely conducive to a good first presentation of AA.” –pg.51 from The Language of the Heart

Back when this was written in 1947 they didn’t really have 30 day rehab programs, sober livings, or drug addiction detoxes available like they do now. If you were in need of that kind of alcohol addiction help then you usually wound up in the hospital being detoxed. It was a time when bringing booze to a 12 step call was not unheard of, and the options were limited. Perhaps it was due to lack of information about this disease. Looking back through articles such as this one written in the language of the heart it is easy to see not only how much we have grown, how far we have come, or how much more information is available to us these days but mainly its clear as day that we are truly blessed and have so many more options available to us. Today we don’t have just AA, church, or hospitalization to choose from. There are many other programs out there and we all have a fighting chance to stay sober and live a happy and healthy life.

Alcoholism, Addiction, and Getting Help

“We are told there are 4,500,000 alcoholics in America. Up to now (1958) AA has sobered up perhaps 250,000 of them. That’s about one in twenty, or 5 percent of the total. This is a brave beginning, full of significance and hope for those who still suffer. Yet these figures show that we have made only a fair-sized dent on this vast world health problem. Millions are still sick and other millions soon will be. These facts of alcoholism should give us a reason to think, and be humble. Surely we can be grateful for every agency or method that tries to solve the problem of alcoholism –whether of medicine, religion, education, or research. We can be open-minded toward all such efforts and we can be sympathetic when the ill-advised ones fail. We can remember that AA itself ran years on trial and error. As individual AAs, we can and should work with those that promise success-even a little success.”- pg. 184 from The Language of the Heart

Sometimes we forget how lucky we are that we received alcohol addiction help and got sober before it was too late. It is easy at times to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and in turn lack in expressing the gratitude for our recovery that it deserves. Whether we went through or need to go through a 30 day rehab program, church, AA, or a drug addiction detox the fact still remains that we are some of the few lucky ones that got another shot at life. The sad reality for us is that many of us do not make it. We get the tools to recover and go on to live a healthy and happy life while many alcoholics have not gotten that opportunity and either drink themselves to death, go insane, or are institutionalized. It is important that we take the time to appreciate our sobriety. It is important that we remember that every day is a special gift.

The Purpose of the AA Group

“Our first duty, as a society, is to insure our own survival. Therefore we have to avoid distractions and multipurpose activity. An AA group, as such, cannot take on all the personal problems of its members, let alone the problems of the whole world. Sobriety-freedom from alcohol-through the teaching and practice of the twelve steps is the sole purpose of an AA group. Groups have repeatedly tried other activities and they have always failed. It has also been learned that there is no possible way to make nonalcoholic into AA members. We have to confine our AA groups to a single purpose. If we don’t stick to these principles, we shall almost surely collapse. And if we collapse we cannot help anyone.”-pg. 223 from The Language Of The Heart

As we talked about before no one can decide weather or not you are an alcoholic. Either you are or aren’t and that choice is up to you. When seeking out alcohol addiction help there are many places we can turn. There are 30 day rehab programs, AA, as well as several other drug addiction detox programs. With that being said it is important that if we decide to go to AA that not only do we have a problem with drinking but also that we identify as alcoholics. It goes back to our first tradition, which states “our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon AA unity.” It is important that we stick to our singleness of purpose so that we can ensure the groups survival.

Growth in Sobriety

“I think that many oldsters who have put our AA “booze cure” to severe but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety perhaps they will be the spearhead for the next major development in AA- the development of much more real maturity and balance (which is to say, humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God. Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance- urges quite appropriate to age seventeen- prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty-seven or fifty-seven.”- pg. 236 from The Language Of The Heart.

When we first receive alcohol addiction help and get into recovery, a drug addiction detox, AA, or a 30 day rehab program focusing on staying sober and working the steps is enough at first. There comes a time though when we start craving more out of life, and the program we work. At that point just staying sober and not drinking isn’t enough. We must enlarge our spiritual life as well as our emotional sobriety or we will surely drink. We must set aside our ideas and expectations of ourselves, our fellows, and our higher power so that we may remain open and teachable. If we close ourselves off to learning and taking things in then we stop growing and if we stop growing we either remain stuck in the bondage of self, and become miserable or we get loaded. When we are ready we will do the work, and establish a conscious contact with a power greater than ourselves. Through that experience we can continue to enrich our sober lives not just through physical sobriety but emotional and spiritual sobriety as well.

Getting Sober and Making Amends

“Just how and when we tell the truth – or keep silent- can often reveal the difference between genuine integrity and none at all. Step nine of AAs program emphatically cautions us against misusing the truth when it states: “made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.” Because it points up the fact that the truth can be used to injure as well as to heal, this valuable principle certainly has a wide- ranging application to the problem of developing integrity.”  – pg. 261 from The Language Of The Heart.

After we seek alcohol addiction help, start doing the work, and get ready to make amends it is important that we have a clear understanding on what we are doing. It is also important that we do not cause further harm in order to make ourselves feel better. When we go into a drug addiction detox, AA , or a 30 day rehab program we are given the tools needed to not only make a proper amends but also to continue living a healthy and happy sober lifestyle. When we go to make amends it is important that we stick to our side of the street. Stating what the harm was that we caused, and attempting to make it better. With that being said we do not get to make amends that will end up further hurting the person. For example if we gossip about somebody behind their back and we know for a fact it hasn’t gotten back to them we don’t get to go up to them and make amends by sharing the hurtful things we said. Instead, we make amends through changing our actions and move forward while trying to continuously be aware of our actions and how they might affect us, our sobriety, and others.

What Do I Need To Be A Member of AA?

“The first edition of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous makes this brief statement about membership: “the only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking. We are not allied with any particular faith, sect, or denomination nor do we oppose anyone. We simply wish to be helpful to those who are afflicted.” This expressed our feeling as of 1939, the year our book was published. Since that day all kinds of experiments with membership have been tried…In some cases we would have been too discouraged by the demands made upon us. Most of the early members of AA would have been thrown out because they slipped too much, because their morals were too bad, because they had mental as well as alcoholic difficulties.”-pg.37 from The Language Of The Heart.

Over the next few days were going to take a look at what it means to be an alcoholic as well as some other issues surrounding this subject. Basically we are members of AA as soon as we seek alcohol addiction help and say we are. All we need is a desire to stop drinking. The word “honest” was later taken out of our statement on membership because while many of us want to stop drinking, get help at a drug addiction detox, Go to AA, go to some sort of 30 day rehab program, and make positive decisions that support our sobriety at the end of the day who has an honest desire to stop when we would still be drinking if it still worked for us? Furthermore an “honest desire” could mean so many things to so many people.so for clarity and to ensure everyone had a fair shot at achieving sobriety they took it out. Today as it stands nobody has a right to declare you alcoholic or non-alcoholic that is completely up to you to decide.