Alcoholics and Resentment

“Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems all forms of spiritual disease for we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritually malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically.” – How It Works pg. 64 from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Resentments are bitter indignation’s at having been treated unfairly. Resentments can either be real or imagined, for example it can be based off of an event that actually happened, or it can be based off of thoughts that we have involving other people’s actions and our interpretation of their actions which may or may not be accurate. Both situations can lead us to the boiling point if we hang onto the anger, fear, and hurt or if we don’t change our behavior or do inventory around it. An affordable rehab, AA, and a 30 day rehab can help with giving you the tools you need to deal with resentment as well as alcohol addiction help. There are negative and positive resentments the above mentioned are examples of negative resentments. Examples of resentments being a positive thing are when they motivate us to make positive changes or when they keep us sober because of pride/ego this is not necessarily a healthy place to stay in and there is still work/inventory to be done; nevertheless, it can be beneficial. Resentments have the power to destroy alcoholics or to force them into making good/healthy life changing decisions. At the end of the day it is our choice what we do with them.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step 12

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principals in all of our affairs.”

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our 12th suggestion: carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill. Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends- this is an experience you must not miss.” pg 89 working with others from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help another alcoholic achieve sobriety and that is exactly what step 12 is all about. Whether we went through a 30 day rehab program, other facilities, or did it without the help of treatment, once we seek alcohol addiction help, work the steps, and recover as a result it is then time for us to pay it forward. We give back what was freely given to us, so that others may have a shot at sobriety. There is great joy in knowing that we have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body and an even greater joy in giving that gift to someone else. It’s how we stay sober. Newcomers are our lifelines. Just like we went to any lengths to recover, we’d go to any lengths to help the newcomer. Perhaps it’s a matter of reaching our hand out, talking, meeting up with them, or maybe it’s a matter of speaking whether it be in a meeting or places such as a California alcohol rehab we make sure that we are the best example we can be and that we carry the message of recovery. Through sobriety we get to live such a blessed and amazing life. Let’s stick around and do the work, so that others may get this opportunity as well.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step 11

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscience contact with God as we understood him. Praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.”

Step 11 suggests power and meditation we should be shy on this prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works, if we have the proper attitude and work at it- pg 86 into action from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

It is also suggested to us that when we retire at night we review our day, we ask ourselves were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves? Were we kind and loving towards all? What could we have done better? We also ask ourselves if we were thinking about what we can do for others versus thinking of only ourselves. When we wake up we also review the 24 hours ahead as well. This step is about maintaining a conscience contact with a higher power and remaining unblocked so that we may be able to help the newcomer. It is also about getting in touch with our highest self. Is and when we go to a 30 day rehab program and decide to work the steps there will be counselors available to help teach you about step 11 and the other steps, especially since these days most LA rehab programs incorporate 12 step addiction practices. This is extremely helpful in relation to the 11th step in the sense that the guidance that is needed will be available to you without having to seek it out in many different areas. In program there is a saying, “more will be revealed” and that’s exactly what the results in the 11th step. Not only do we get a conscience contact with our higher power but also with ourselves and our fellows as well. This is the core from which our peace, compassion, brotherly love, and happiness derive from.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step Ten

“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

“This brings us to step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.” – Into action pg 84 from the Big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

In step ten we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When they crop up we ask God at once to remove them. Step 10 is a maintenance step. We review our fears, resentments, and parts on paper. We then look at where we had been selfish, self seeking, and dishonest. We ask ourselves where had we been dishonest? Did we arouse jealousy? Whom had we hurt? If anyone was harmed we immediately make it right. We admit our faults and amend our behavior. When we sought alcohol addiction help we agreed to go to any lengths to stay sober. Cleaning our wreckage up is a small price to pay as well as a rewarding experience. Through places like drug addiction detox, 12 step programs, or perhaps a drug addiction facility in LA we are taught how to work the steps, and adapt to this new way of living. Those of us in recovery are given an amazing life beyond our wildest dreams. All we have to do is ask for help and be willing to do the footwork.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step Nine

“Made a direct amends to people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.”

“Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past we attempt to sweep away the debris, which has accumulated out of our own effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves.  If we haven’t the will to do this we ask until it comes.  Remember we agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.” -pg 76 Into Action from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

In step nine we get the opportunity to right what was once wrong and clean up our side of the street thanks to the help of places such as a Los Angeles rehab, AA or 30 day rehab programs.  We set out to clean up our wreckage, we go to people we have harmed and being careful not to cause more harm, we laid out and address our wrongdoings as well as ask how we can make it better.  This can definitely be a scary process.  No one wants to go to people and admit their faults let alone try to clean it up.  Sometimes it might seem easier to just brush it all under the rug.  After all, what if they are still angry, how will they react?  Many of us don’t want to feel bad, it’s the alcoholic’s mission to seek elevated moods and search for happiness so why would we want to rehash the past and feel guilty? For starters, this is not about them or their reactions, it is about us staying sober and being willing to go to any lengths.  Secondly, there is a freedom that comes from owning our parts and amending our behaviors.  It’s not only something that we need to do but get to do in order to be an example, so that if someone else is struggling with this disease they might know there is a place available or someone to go to for alcohol addiction help.

As it says in our responsibility statement: “When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there and for that I am responsible.”  Responsibility is not only owning our part but also going to any lengths to work the steps to the best of our ability.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step Eight

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

Now we need more action, without which we find that “faith without works is dead.” Let’s look at steps 8 and 9 .We had a list of all persons we have harmed, and to whom we are willing to make amends .We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self appraisal.- pg 76 Into Action from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

In our fourth step we had already made an 8th step list without knowing it but perhaps there were people we had harmed before we received alcohol addiction help that may not have harmed us. Therefore we much search every nook and cranny of our lives to make sure we don’t leave anyone out of our 8th step. Some alcoholics leave people off the list because they are afraid they will have to make amends to them. That is not a decision that needs to or is being addressed in this step. The only action that is taken here is to simply write don and review the people we have harmed as a result of our disease. When we start to get sober and the “fog” lifts perhaps through the help from a 30 day rehab, AA, or a drug addiction detox we can see clearly that our alcoholism didn’t just affect us but also most of the people we came in contact with as well. We were notorious for running through peoples lives like a tornado. The only way we can live a happy, clean, and full life while being able to live with ourselves is by doing the foot work, cleaning our side of the street up and making things right with our fellows.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step Seven

“Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.”

We ask god to help us be willing when ready we say something like this: “my creator I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. i pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” We have then completed Step 7 – pg 76 Into Action from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

In Step 6 and Step 7 we are cleaning house. Step 7 is a continuation of Step 6. We continue to become more aware of our defects of character and pray to have them removed. If we are unwilling then we simply pray for the willingness. As we talked about before the most difficult thing about being willing to be rid of our shortcomings is the fact that we think some of them still work for us. However as soon as they are removed we often times see they were not working for us, but in fact they were hurting us and others. When we finally let go of them we begin to see that living an honest and clean life is much more beneficial in the sense that not only is there less harm being done to ourselves and others, but also less negative consequences. As it says in the big book “if we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let god take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are the facts out of our experiences.” in order to get to the point of complete surrender or in preparation for the steps it would be beneficial to research places and things such as FAQs about rehab and recovery in Los Angeles, recovery testimonials California, AA, and California Rehab Centers. These resources will most likely to be able to answer any questions you might have. After completing step 7 we continue to be aware of our shortcomings when they crop up and once again we immediately ask god to remove them. This is a very crucial step when it comes to self-love and developing with ourselves and others. The payoff is the absence of dissonance, increased self-esteem and an amazing ability to handle situations which use to baffle us as a result of having and surrendering to a power greater than ourselves.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step Six

“Were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character.”

“We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let god remove from us all the things which we have admitted were objectionable? Can he now take them all- every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask god to help us be willing.” Into Action pg 76 from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

When we first came to Alcoholic Anonymous we were full of character defects and short comings. We were out right mental defectives and we did not know that we did not know. however there were some character defects which we were unwilling when we got to step 6 to let go of, because they still worked for us in the sense that lying, manipulation, as well as other character defects might still be working it still might be used as a means to get what one wants and self preservation. However the defects that we felt like we had to hang on to was simply based off of fear. This is why we have to pray for willingness. In Step 6 we end up making a conscience decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god again as we did in step 3. When we finally realize the defects no longer work for us and the lifestyle we’ve chose to live, we are then willing to be rid of them fully and to start working towards an altruistic movement. Like it says in the big book. “We feel, after many years of experience, that we have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men than the altruistic movement now growing up among them.” How can we get to that place one might ask…after all we weren’t the poster children for selfless acts and we were ridden with short comings. There are several helpful establishments that exist for the sole purpose of helping alcoholics get to an altruistic place and recover such as; drug addiction detox, AA, 30 day rehab programs, NA, or a California alcohol rehab. It’s not easy changing everything and turning your life around, but once you clean your wreckage up and get closer to being the person you want to be you will find a new happiness and a fulfilling life awaits you.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step Five

STEP FIVE: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and another human being the exact natures of our wrongs.”

In step five we take our inventory we did and sit down with another person (usually our sponsor. However in the past people have chosen to read it to others as well i.e. clergymen. This is fine provided there is trust in and a working knowledge of the steps in regard to the other person.) We then read our inventory making sure we left out nothing including our deepest darkest secrets. This step separates the people that are serious about getting and staying sober vs. the ones that aren’t serious about getting alcohol addiction help. This might seem like a pointless and scary step. Many might ask what’s the point? Or what if the person I read this too tells my secrets? This step requires a huge amount of trust and faith. If steps one, two, and three were done thoroughly faith and trust shouldn’t be an issue. If you find you are struggling with it you can always go back and do more work on step 3.Many places such as an affordable rehab, AA, or a drug rehab facility in LA can point you in the right direction as far as starting and continuing step work in a safe environment. As far as what the point of this step is or the benefits go there are many. You finally get to be rid of all your secrets and skeletons that have been holding you down. After all your secrets keep you sick. You get a sense of freedom, you get a sense of relief that only the people that have taken this step could imagine, and you can begin to hold your head up high and look people in the eyes again with dignity and grace and you can finally be free.

The Alcoholic Addict and Step Four

STEP FOUR: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Through doing steps 1, 2, and 3 we have built our foundation for recovery. An archway which we can walk through. We had to make sure we were thorough. If we weren’t then we would have to go back and do more work or we would eventually drink. After we did this we immediately began work on the fourth step. A four column process that not only helps us to look at the times we were hurt by others but also helps us to see we were not the victims that we once thought we were in these situations. We got to see our parts and the areas of our lives that it affected. As far as our fourth step goes it was imperative that we dug deep and made sure nothing was left out or else our efforts would have been in vain. If we are able to recognize, take responsibility, and clean our side of the street then we can regain control of our lives. However if we remain victims we assume a position that has little or no power/control  aside from the time, anger, and fear we assign to it. In order to do this step we may enlist the help of places such as an addiction program in Los Angeles, AA, or a California alcohol rehab. Most of these places also offer support for family of addicts and alcoholics available and if not then they can point you or your loved one in the right direction. If you are tired of living this way or feeling like a victim these and other places are there for you to get the help you need.