The Alcoholic, Fear, and Sobriety

“Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn’t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Perhaps there is a better way-we think so.For we are now on different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite self. We are in the world to play the role he assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think he would have us, and humbly rely on him, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity.” – Pg.68 How It Works, from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Fear often robs us of all things good in our life. It causes so much damage and can be paralyzing at times. When we first receive alcohol addiction help, go to a drug addiction detox, AA, or 30 day rehab program one of the first things that is asked of us is to turn our will over to a power greater than ourselves. Through the recovery process we are given the tools needed to do so. The fact is that at some point we come to realize that fear to the extent that most of us endure it is not healthy and is no longer a character defect that works for us. It is isolating and only separates us from the world but also from our higher power. If we are in so much fear that we feel like we have to control the situation regardless of the fact that we are powerless then there is very little to no room for God. If we can live in faith then we can be rid of fear, be happy, be free from the bondage of self, and truly know what it’s like to live in the sunlight of the spirit while we match calamity with serenity.

The Alcoholic and Resentments

“When we finished we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor always seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. It is plain that a life which indulges deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit.” pg.-66 How It Works, from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Prior to receiving alcohol addiction help we are often times perfect examples of self will run riot. It usually ends in resentment. It is important that we surrender when going into a drug addiction detox, AA, 30 day rehab program so that we can begin work on these matters. Many of us have had times where we thought we were constantly being wronged and if only others changed we would be okay. When we are in this head space it can be difficult for us to change this thinking especially because when we are living in fear and resentment we often times forget to bring god into it. If we let go of our desire to change the past and forgive people we have a better chance to recover and be rid of resentments. It is after we have done the work on this that we can begin to heal and have a life of freedom and happiness.

Talking With an Alcoholic About Getting Help

“Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action. On your first visit tell him about the fellowship of alcoholic’s anonymous .If he shows interest; lend him your copy of this book. Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any direction he like.” pg. 94- 95 Working with Others from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

It is important that we do not try to corner someone into recovery. It’s a program based on attraction rather than promotion and there is a reason for that. If we were to try and convince people that they need to get alcohol addiction help then they would not have gotten sober on their own accord but rather because they were preached to and told they need help. That is not what sobriety is about. When someone decides to go to a drug addiction detox, sober living, 30 day rehab program, or AA it is important that they come to the conclusion that they are powerless on their own so that they can own their recovery, struggles, and triumphs that come along with it. We can share our experience, strength, and hope by telling them what happened, what it used to be like, and what it’s like now. We can make ourselves available to anyone who’s suffering from this disease but that where our responsibilities stop as far as informing someone about this disease goes.

Discovering Our Higher Power in Sobriety

“In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic, if that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face. – pg. 44 We Agnostics, from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous 

After first receiving alcohol addiction help one of the first few things that come up for us is the god issue. We might have issues with identifying, and believing in God especially if the god we grew up with was a source of punishment and damnation. The fact is that all we have to do is have the willingness to come up with a concept of a higher power that we believe can handle any aspect of our lives. When we are doing the work whether it be in a drug addiction detox, AA, or 30 day rehab program we can hopefully begin to see how our higher power had been doing for us what we could not do for ourselves this whole time. After we establish a conscious contact with a power greater then ourselves it is then and only then that we can go on to have a spiritual experience begin to truly heal.

Getting Sober and Sharing on the Group Level

“Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier softer way but we could not. With all the earnestness at our command we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold onto our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember we deal with alcohol- cunning, baffling and powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power that one is god. May you find him now! Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked his protection and care with complete abandon.” – pg. 58-59 How It Works from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Providing alcohol addiction help is a huge part of the recovery process. When we share on a group level or one on one it is important to talk about what happened, what it was like, and what it’s like now so that others can relate and see that it is possible for them to stay sober as well. This excerpt from how it works explains in a nutshell exactly what we go through when we first get sober. We all look for an easier way or a way out, we see that it doesn’t work, and we either surrender or start drinking again. Whether we are in a drug addiction detox, AA, or a 30 day rehab program it is important that we turn our will and our lives over to the care of someone/something else. We need to fully surrender in order to gain the willingness needed to live this new way of life we have found in sobriety. It is through this process of surrender that we are able to be free from our addiction and are able to pass on experience, strength and hope to the newcomer.

Sobriety and Working With Others

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as much as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill…perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals, they will be only too glad to assist you .Don’t start out as an evangelist or reformer. Unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists. You will be handicapped if you arouse it. Ministers and doctors are competent and you can learn much from them, if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. So cooperate, never criticize. To be helpful is our only aim.”-pg. 89 Working With Others from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

As alcoholics we have the amazing opportunity to be of service to other alcoholics that are seeking out alcohol addiction help. Since we have been through the same struggles and came out the other side we are more able then most people to be of maximum service. It is important that we don’t preach but rather lead by example. Weather we are being of service at a drug addiction detox, meeting, 30 day rehab program, hospitals, institutions, or one on one our best bet when it comes to reaching a fellow alcoholic is by listening and sharing your experience, strength and hope. This way of life is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need not sell sobriety to others. If someone wants to get sober nothing we say can stop them from trying or make them want it more. Our only responsibility is to be there when someone reaches out for help and needs us to show them the way.

Finding the Fun in Sobriety

“We have shown you how we have gotten out from under. “Yes, I’m willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring, and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute? Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in alcoholics anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom, and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you. “How is that to come about?” you ask. “Where am I to find these people?” you are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship.-pg. 152 A Vision for You from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Many people that have just received alcohol addiction help or have a desire to get sober have the same concerns such as becoming boring, miserable, and unsuccessful at life. It can be hard for many of us to believe that there is a life of joy, happiness, and freedom just around the corner. It is also hard to see how we could possibly get the life back that we destroyed, and have fun again. If we are in a 30 day rehab program, AA or a drug addiction detox we may feel stuck. We may think to ourselves that this is as good as it gets. It’s not. As alcoholics we knew how to party, often times we were the life of the party, and that definitely doesn’t change in sobriety. We get to have a blast and there is something for everyone. If we just work for it we can find the joy and happiness we have been longing for.

Getting Sober and the Family

“If not irritable, he may seem dull and boring, not gay and affectionate as the family would like him to be. Mother may complain of inattention. They are all disappointed, and often let him feel it. Beginning with such complaints, a barrier arises. He is straining every nerve to make up for lost time. He is striving to recover fortune and reputation and feels he is doing very well. Sometimes mother and children don’t think so .having been neglected and misused in the past, they want him to make a fuss over them. They expect him to give them the nice times they used to have before he drank so much, and show his contrition for what they suffered. But dad doesn’t give freely of himself. Resentment grows. He becomes still less communicative. Sometimes he explodes over a trifle. The family is mystified. They criticize, pointing out how he is falling down on his spiritual program.” Pg. 126 The Family Afterward, from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Most of us have had experiences where our family thinks our sobriety should look a certain way. Sometimes they want to tell us what we need to do whether it is go to a 30 day rehab program to get help, spend more time with the family, go to a drug addiction detox, go to more meetings, or go to fewer meetings so we can be home more etc. This can become annoying at times but what we have to realize is they are very much going through what we are in the sense that for years our using life was the only one they knew. Even though it was awful at least it had become familiar and now that we are sober it’s all new to us and to them. Change can be scary not only to us but also to family. They know just about as much as we do as far as what things are going to look like after receiving alcohol addiction help is concerned. The only thing we can do is be an example, stay sober, and show up for our family.

Getting Sober and Rediscovering Life

“You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of “love thy neighbor as thyself. “It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!”- Pg.-153 A Vision For You from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

There is nothing that compares to the feeling that comes with seeing someone that has asked for alcohol addiction help finally “get it”, watch the fog clear, and the light come on. It is amazing to know what an incredible life in sobriety that  that person has to look forward to and that you get to share that with them to see someone struggle or experience those feelings of helplessness that can come up at times in early sobriety and walk through things like going through a drug addiction detox, AA meetings, 30 day rehab program, or other new experiences and still stay sober is rewarding beyond words. As it says in the big book “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.” It is imperative that we continue passing on the solution that was so freely given to us because if we stop then not only would we miss out on this amazing opportunity but the fellowship would suffer greatly as well.

Getting Sober and Repairing the Family

“We alcoholics are sensitive people. At the beginning of recovery a man will take, as a rule, one of two directions. He may either plunge into a frantic attempt to get on his feet in business, or he may be so enthralled by his new life that he talks or thinks of little else….since the home has suffered more than anything else, it is well that a man exert himself there. He is not likely to get far in any direction if he fails to show unselfishness and love under his own roof. We know there are difficult wives and families, but the man who is getting over alcoholism must remember he did much to make them so.” – Pg.125-127 in The Family Afterward from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

When we first receive alcohol addiction help and get sober we are usually so filled with relief and joy. Many of us are on what is referred to as a “pink cloud”. This is where everything just seems so great and amazing. It’s as if we had been dead inside for so long and were just reborn. Often times when we are in this state many of us want to experience everything, just enjoy it, and have fun which is okay as long as we are doing the work as well as repairing our relationships with others especially family. When the big book talks about how our home has suffered more than anything else it is referring to the damage we caused in our families lives .For most of us our loved ones were the ones that were there and witnessed us at our worst. While it may take a while the chances of familial reparation is high and likely for most of us. It is one of the gifts of sobriety .perhaps not at first but in time they will be able to see the dedication to sobriety and will most likely be thrilled, and supportive. With that being said If  we fail to mend our relationship with them and put time and effort into those relationships they will most likely continue to be resentful since not only were they losing their loved ones to this disease but they will probably go on to feel like they also lost them to recovery as well.Therefore its imperative that we do what we need to do to get sober, Go to a drug addiction detox, AA, or 30 day rehab program, and then do the best we can to be a better daughter,son,mother,father,and sibling .We owe it to them and to ourselves.